An important part of inner healing work is acknowledging the part that your family history has played in some of the trauma you carry. Everyone you meet is either actively breaking the cycles of generational trauma or repeating the cycles. It’s a brave choice to be the cycle breaker – which I believe you are!

It’s brave because healing is incredibly sacred work that requires you to stand in the gap for your family and say, “These dysfunctional cycles end with me.”

I don’t know the tough things you’ve had to endure but I can commend you for noticing the pain that has traveled through generations to get to you. Pain comes in many forms; anxiety, abuse, alcoholism, a culture of silence, depression, poverty, poor family relationships, problematic behavior, etc.

The trauma is not your fault, your troubled childhood was not your fault, and even now as you struggle to heal – what happened to you was not your fault.

How does generational trauma happen?

To understand generational trauma, it’s important to know what trauma is. It’s the emotional response to a distressing life event like abandonment, abuse, accidents, chronic illness, disabilities, divorce, death, infidelity, infertility, violence, sexual assault, and oppression.

Generational trauma happens when the first generation in a family goes through a life-altering event/trauma and they don’t heal from it. Our bodies store pain and trauma so if we don’t heal from it, it becomes encoded as part of our genetic composition (genes) which shape our personality, behavior, and beliefs. If the first generation doesn’t heal the trauma, it gets passed on as genes to the second generation and subsequent ones until someone decides to heal it.

“Trauma in a person, decontextualized over time, looks like personality. Trauma in a family, decontextualized over time, looks like family traits. Trauma in a people, decontextualized over time, looks like culture.” – Resmaa Menakem

How to heal generational trauma

Healing is the best thing you can choose for yourself, your loved ones, and generations after you. As you heal those generational wounds, you are making room for better patterns and beliefs. You get to write new family stories and start new traditions – such a powerful choice! If you are wondering where to start, let me walk you through it;

1. Gently inquire about your family history. I say gently because if you’ve seen the trauma play out, chances are that the history is covered in pain or shame. If there are no answers or if no one is available to tell you – make a list of all the traits in yourself that are unhealthy. Ask the people closest to you to be honest about how you show up. Take it all into consideration as you aim to positively change yourself.
2. If you are a parent: Be the parent you wish you had. Be open to emotional vulnerability with your kids by apologizing when you’re wrong, having tough conversations, teaching them emotional regulation, and encouraging them to talk about their feelings. Be present with them and treat them with empathy.
3. Treat yourself kindly. You are re-parenting yourself and that’s not an easy job to do so extend a lot of grace to yourself. You can’t put a timeline on healing but keep pushing towards the light that’s within you. Forgive yourself as many times as you need. You are growing into who you are meant to be – be more compassionate with yourself.
4. Actively seek support. This healing journey can be so lonely as you question and unlearn generations worth of trauma. If your family is open to the idea of healing then it’s best to do it together. Talk to your friends about it and also challenge them to heal their family trauma. There’s a lot of strength in community and you can’t do this alone.
5. Be intentional about educating yourself on how to heal. Consume information that addresses generational trauma i.e., books, podcasts, videos, and social media pages. Start therapy because it’s going to help you make sense of everything you’ve been through and also equip you with the right coping strategies for healing. Therapy also provides a safe space for you to process your emotions – something your friends and family may not be skilled to do.

This healing work is beautiful – no matter how hard it gets. You are liberating generations that came before you and those ahead of you. You are, in every sense of the word – a disruptor! The good kind of disruption that creates a wildfire of change. Your life will never be the same again once you start healing generational trauma. It will feel much more rewarding and wholesome.

At Healing Springs Wellness, we would like to be a part of your healing  journey. Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation for trauma counseling.