If you search the hashtag #couplegoals on any social media platform, a lot of couple pictures and videos will appear. Bright smiles. Happy tears. Thoughtful engagements. Stories of “how we met”. Well-curated timelines that give the impression of happy relationships. As a lover of love, I appreciate these types of content because what’s better than two people being truly in love? Nothing, right?
I’ve learned over the years that not everything is as it appears. You might think you know what a healthy and happy relationship looks like just from watching people’s highlight reels. Authentic couple goals are so much more than sweet love stories that may be heavily edited to fit a narrative.
Healthy relationships are not just about fronting picture-perfect moments but having a solid behind-the-scenes foundation. They take intention, effort, and time to build. We all deserve to be in a healthy relationship but do we even know what they feel or look like? Let’s find out.
5 Signs of a Healthy Relationship
1- Comfortability.
You are free to be your most authentic self. You don’t feel the pressure to be anything you aren’t. You feel like you are enough for them; no shrinking or over-exerting yourself for their acceptance and validation.
2- Safety.
You can be all versions of yourself without judgment or shame. There’s a safe space to be vulnerable and honest. Your feelings are safe to explore and you communicate your needs with ease.
3- Individuality.
You don’t depend on each other to meet your every human need. You have your dreams and goals and you support each other to achieve them. Your partnership is made up of two whole individuals.
4- Boundaries.
You respect each other’s limits, spaces, needs and values. Boundaries are viewed as a necessary part of your relationship and you continually re-evaluate what they look like.
5- Respectful conflict resolution.
You fight together not against each other. You are gentle with each other even when there are conflicts, struggles, and triggers. You look for the best ways to solve the problem while maintaining respect.
Is any or all of the above present in your relationship? Remember that healthy relationships are built, not found. You and your partner have to be committed to creating a union you both love and thrive in. It’s a matter of growing together and working towards a common goal. There is no destination in relationships but a journey of learning what works for you and unlearning qualities and habits that undermine your goal.
5 Building Blocks of a Healthy Relationship
Think of your relationship as a house you’re trying to build. You bring one block and your partner brings another. Together you build the house in harmony. In this case, we will focus on your building blocks or what it is that you can bring to the table but feel free to share this post with your partner. It will serve the same purpose for them. This matters because you are as much a builder as your partner and here’s how you can make a great team player:
1- The responsibility of healing yourself is yours.
Don’t project your fears and insecurities onto your partner. Do the inner healing work and that looks like healing your childhood and relationship trauma, practicing self-love, working on your self-esteem, recognizing your unhealthy patterns, and healing your relationship with yourself.
2- Create a safe space for vulnerability and openness.
Relationships should feel like coming home not like a battlefield. Make your partner feel seen and heard – like their presence matters to you. Be their shoulder to lean on when it gets tough and their first call when they have good news to share. An ever-present cheerleader and a gentle critic who corrects with love.
3- Know your love language and learn your partner’s love language.
A love language is how you give and receive love. Communicate how you want to be loved because your partner can only love you how they perceive love to be. For example, they might think showing love to their partner is through buying gifts and you want them to show love with their words. If there’s a misunderstanding of love languages, conflict easily arises. If you are not sure what your love language is, take this test.
4- Make room for growth and evolution.
You and your partner are bound to morph into more versions of the people you are right now as life progresses. You haven’t seen each other’s last forms yet. Growth is necessary – welcome it and pursue it. Be invested in each other’s evolution, expansion, and elevation in life. Change is the only constant there is and if you don’t move with it, you’ll get stuck.
5- Don’t fall for the trap of perfection.
Life hasn’t given you a perfect partner and neither are you perfect. Healthy relationships are not built on perfection but progress. Unlike perfectly curated Instagram timelines, relationships involve real people who are imperfect and who make mistakes. Extend grace for your partner’s shortcomings just as you’d want the same done for you. PS: Grace does not include enduring abuse, disrespect, or harmful behavior.
I understand that so many of us didn’t grow up in stable and healthy homes but that doesn’t mean that we don’t deserve healthy relationships. Start with healing yourself and being the right person for yourself then when your person comes, build that healthy relationship block by block. If you still need a little more guidance in this area, we are available to walk this journey with you. Schedule your free consultation call now. You are worthy of a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
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