A Personal Journey - Healing My Own Relationship Wounds

A Personal Journey – Healing My Own Relationship Wounds

By Shawniel Chamanlal, LCSW

One of the most frustrating issues that I faced was the lack of understanding about my failed relationships despite feeling as though I was doing everything “right” to find my partner.

When I was single, I contemplated why it was so difficult to find a good partner? Always hearing you’re a good catch, it’s a mystery why you’re single?

For the past several years, I’ve spoken to many women of varying ages and backgrounds to find out what is the secret to attracting the men of their dreams. Why do some women who seem to have it all together; brains, personality, and drive, seem to fall short in the love department?

These questions were born out of my own negative relationship experiences. About 10 years ago, I found myself going from one toxic relationship to another; dating emotionally unavailable men with strong commitment issues. The most traumatic experience was finally getting engaged in 2007 and quickly realizing that it would not last. Despite being educated, attractive, and independent, I felt empty, unloved, unappreciated, and hopeless.

After feeling totally defeated in 2009 and experiencing a break up once again, a married coworker of mine suggested that I invest in a journal. She instructed me to write down what I really wanted in a man and to be very specific.

Even after being clear on the man I wanted, love did not come knocking on my door!

The journal evolved into a means of documenting my frustrations and insecurities from my failed relationships.

The biggest mistake women make is not closely examining their failed relationships as this gives insight on what we need to do to heal and attract who we desire:

So I became my own relationship detective and started asking myself key questions:

Were there similar characteristics and personality traits with the men I dated?
What were the reasons for my breakups? Were there any similarities in the negative ways they treated me?
How did I feel while being in the relationship? What did I enjoy, what were my frustrations, and what were my insecurities?
What role did I play in my failed relationship?

In the years of writing in the journal, I started noticing re-occurring patterns in each of my failed relationships. I was dating the same types of men. I was experiencing the same type of insecurities and negative feelings. How could this be? Was this a coincidence?

As I contemplated these reoccurring themes, I began to search for other women who had successfully broken this cycle. I later learned the secret to attracting a healthier, more fulling relationship.

On this personal journey, I discovered 5 common principles that led to my healing and relationship transformation

Learning to heal from past relationship wounds.
Releasing negative relationship patterns and self-limiting beliefs.
Establishing clear intentions to attract a healthy, fulfilling relationship.
Improving Self-confidence and self-worth by prioritizing my personal healing.
Establishing a supportive network of individuals to keep you accountable.

The act of turning the mirror on myself and releasing the blame helped me to be more accountable for my healing journey, not only for my relationships but for all aspects of my life. I started the combination of mental health counseling and energy healing, where I gained insight into how my feelings of unworthiness created my pattern of dating emotionally unavailable men and why I did not feel satisfied in these relationships. This new insight transformed my life. I gained more confidence, improved my relationship mindset, and later married the man of my dreams.

If you are struggling with the relationship with yourself or the relationships with others, I welcome you to join my Healing from Relationship Wounds Online Group Workshop.

An 8 week workshop for women where you will move beyond past hurts and pains to create deeper meaningful relationships. You will learn proven strategies to release old relationship patterns, move beyond the fear of commitment, and create healthier, more fulfilling relationships. With these proven strategies, you will allow healing, growth, and revitalize your desire to embrace love and create the relationships you truly desire.

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