I came across a YouTube video titled, “Why emotional men are weak.” Of course I watched it out of curiosity but the information presented was nothing new. I see it all the time in therapy with men – the need to contain emotions.

In fact, research shows that therapists miss depression in men 70% of the time because they are good at suppressing their feelings.

The video was perpetuating a toxic culture where emotions are not regarded as real masculinity. This is the consequence of a hyper masculine society where men are socialized to not show weakness, vulnerability or emotions.

To be tough and macho because that is the litmus test for how manly one is which is evident in the portrayal of manhood in media and literature.

This culture of stoicism is harmful not only to men but to everyone involved in the following ways;

• Unrealistic expectations on men to hide emotions can breed feelings of inadequacy, insecurity and inferiority if they don’t fit the mold which may lead to anxiety and depression.
• Generations of men with dysfunctional cycles of toxic masculinity. Boys are still brought up to believe that they shouldn’t be emotional – that’s what girls do.
• Deterioration in relationships because of the lack of communication, emotional intelligence, compassion and empathy. Most men don’t reach out to seek comfort, understanding or help.
• Harmful expressive behavior like violence and hostility because of lack of other emotional coping methods. This may also be silence through suffering.

5 Ways Men Can Foster Emotional Wellness

Emotions are not gender specific. We all experience sadness, joy, grief, anger, frustration and fear. The difference is that men have been conditioned to bury or dismiss these emotions. We need to foster safe spaces for men now more than ever in this age where mental health issues are killing them faster than other illnesses.

Emotional wellness contributes to a much better quality of life. How can you, as a man, ensure that you get the most out of life by showing up for yourself emotionally?

• Recognize and appreciate your emotions.

  It does not make you less of a man when you are cognizant of your feelings – both negative and positive. It becomes much easier to process them as they come because you’re not trying to brush them over. You can also channel your feelings through journaling to better understand them.

• Be your own friend first.

  Self-awareness is the lighthouse of emotional expression because once you know your triggers and patterns, then you channel them better. Friendship with yourself also means not judging your unpleasant moods and thoughts and extending grace and kindness to yourself no matter how you feel.

• Adopt a growth-mindset.

  It’s not easy to unlearn the toxic ideologies of masculinity imposed on you through upbringing but it’s certainly not impossible. You owe it to yourself to do better when you know better. When your emotional intelligence grows, your relationships will flourish and you will be part of the change we need in this world – for generations after you.

• Find strength in community.

  Join or form a group of men whose aim is to create safe spaces for each other. Fellowship goes a long way in wellness because you know that you are not alone in this. Normalize being the person people can open up-to and encourage it; it’s so wonderful when we can borrow each other’s wings and fires.

• Seek therapy.

  The safety of expression is found in therapy where you are allowed to feel and just be. Our aim is to guide you through your journey by helping you unpack emotional baggage so that you can live your best life. Your vulnerability is strength in therapy and it is highly encouraged because it aids your healing. Our lines are always open for a 15-minute consultation.

“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.” – Fred Rogers